2014-02-21: Finding Support for Your Dreams

Wouldn’t it be great if we were all surrounded by angelic-like humans who would support us in all our endeavors, even if we decided that our inner joy and bliss would come from, say, just watching grass grow?  That’s what real love and acceptance is all about. Yet human nature, often under the guise of “wanting the best for you,” often judges, insults, ridicules, and condemns our ventures.  Those closest to us are sometimes the least capable of supporting us.  Perhaps it is because, in their eyes, they believe they have something to lose in our moment of triumph.

Perhaps you can’t win approval or acceptance from those you’d like to be most in your corner… no matter what you do.  Maybe they shame you when you’re down on your luck, hating you for embarrassing them in front of their friends with your less-than-wondrous accomplishments (or so they perceive, comparing your adventures against their own rigid standards).  Or perhaps they squeal in delight (secretly or openly), happy that you’ve become a loser in their eyes, thus puffing up their own unworthiness into god-like status compared to your present undesirable predicament.  Or how about when you’re a flourishing success at your wildest dreams? Do they make snide remarks, detesting you for making them look and feel “less than” (again as they perceive, because you do nothing to others by pursuing your happiness)?  ccepting that others, especially those closest to us, are incapable of supporting us (or refuse to support us) in achieving our happiness can be a hard pill to swallow.

What then of facing your biggest dream ever?  You feel it in your heart.  You know it’s right.  You know it’s time.  And you know you’ll likely be stomped on by certain individuals the minute you let on that you’re wanting to take that chance.  You may be afraid to even START pursuing your dream because of the verbal wrath or withdrawal of love that you know will be forthcoming.  Hopefully you have friends in your corner who stand by you and support you no matter what.  But even our closest friends can’t always be there for us on an ongoing basis given their own busy schedules.  Perhaps we look to our family or our partner instead as they may be more available.  And what if we can’t get the support we so desire from them?  In fact, they may even be the most antagonistic of all, perhaps complaining that your ventures are ludicrous or grandiose and will deplete family funds, etc., which may or may not be true.  Certainly impacts to a household must be discussed when embarking on new journeys, but is this really what you’re hearing in these protests?  Or is what you’re hearing just a convenient excuse to conceal the real perceived threat?  Perhaps they are afraid you’ll become a thriving success and think yourself too good for them and leave them behind.  Perhaps they’re afraid that you’ll face your fears and succeed at your dreams, proving that it can be done. In knowing that YOU could do it, they’ll no longer have an excuse to not pursue THEIR dream too, and maybe they’re afraid to face their dreams… or their related inner fears that keep them from pursuing their dreams.  Keeping you from your success may be their way of keeping themselves from having to look within…at their fears, inhibitions, and inner turmoil. They may be forced to face the truth that the only reason they haven’t pursued their own dreams up to this point is because someone held THEM back; maybe facing this lack of love and support is too much for them to bear.  Keeping you small may be their way of protecting themselves from having to expand to keep up with you.
 
I’m not suggesting you tolerate someone who is trying to hold you back; however, in understanding their possible underlying struggles, you may find you have more compassion for them.  It may be helpful for you to appreciate that whatever they are saying to you (or not saying to you) to hold you down or hold you back may really source from their own inadequacies. Projecting one’s inadequacies onto another to avoid looking within is a desperate attempt to avoid painful truths.  You might ultimately find that you have to leave them behind in order to pursue your dream and in order to be surrounded instead by those who support your path, uplift you, and encourage you to achieve all that you can.  Being “less than” to protect another from looking within is a disservice to that individual’s evolutionary growth.  Holding yourself back ultimately serves no one.  But moving forward may require mustering your own inner strength to go it alone.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up with storybook love, affection, and support?  And then we went out into the world and found the most evolved specimen ever created in humanity who would support us without question or controversy as our faithful and devoted partner?  And then friends would abound with those exact same qualities?  Well, some individuals indeed are fortunate to have devoted, loveful support along with unbounded financial resources to back-up any venture with little to no risk.  But the vast majority of us must learn to be content with far less as our starting point. If we’re lucky, we have friends with no vested interest in our outcome, other than the sincere hope that we ultimately find happiness, therein offering genuine well wishes.  Those who have had magnificent support all their lives don’t know of the struggles so many of us face.  When they talk of how easy it is to pursue your passion, it can feel hurtful and minimizing. We do not all have such an easy path.  Ironically in some cases, that is actually the beauty of our path, as others will find our journeys more believable and achievable if they can see that they are starting from the same place we did.  Who would you be more apt to believe:  the millionaire who was born into a wealthy family and wants to teach you how to become a millionaire… or the millionaire who was born into poverty, found his path to wealth, and wants to teach you that path?
 
Remember that your dream is in you for a reason.  If you weren’t meant to live it, you wouldn’t feel it in your heart beckoning to emerge.  As unpleasant and as undesirable as the prospect may seem, you may need to look WITHIN for your own support.  Accept the love from wherever you can get it, even if just some periodic well wishes from friends.  But for that deep belief in yourself, you may ultimately need to rely solely on yourself. Even our friends can’t uplift us if we don’t believe if ourselves.  Nor can our spouse or partner.  No matter how much those outside of us believe in us, it is all for nothing in the end if we can’t believe in ourselves.  We can’t expect others to carry us through to our destiny.  Having that extra support through moments of doubt or fear can be wonderful, but we must ultimately learn to go within and support ourselves.  Once you believe in yourself, you will no longer need the support of others.  If you receive it nonetheless, that is a blessing.  But if you receive harshness and obstacles instead, you will need to be strong and go inside.  I’m not saying this is easy.  I’ve been there.  Are there those in your sphere who expect you to fail?  Like caging tigers, are certain individuals just waiting and longing for that fatal blow when they can squeal in delight at what a failure you are? How sad to think that this is what it takes for some to feel good about themselves – needing others to sink lower, beneath them, in order to feel better about themselves.  In times of success, can you feel the hateful, jealous venom inside of certain individuals boiling, sometimes accompanied with words that minimize your accomplishment.  Or do they ignore your accomplishments entirely as though they don’t exist, aren’t important, or are just an inconsequential figment of your imagination, no matter how stellar and publicly noticeable those accomplishments are?  Does it seem like it would just KILL them to acknowledge that you succeeded… at anything? Do they withhold congratulations… or offer it only in the form of patronization?  The point that is worthy of making here is that you could not possibly have a dream burning within you UNLESS you were capable of achieving it.  Perhaps there are things you need to learn and experience first.  Perhaps you need to set aside funds or do some networking to make important connections. These are all just steps along the path of creating the dream.  And you can take all of these steps, one at a time, at a pace that is affordable and works with your lifestyle.  But the important key is to not let naysayers stand in your way.  Do your best to forgive them for their limited thinking and their emotional dysfunction that causes them to wish bad luck on you.  They may be incapable of supporting you.  In fact, they may actually truly BELIEVE in you and believe that you can succeed; they may just not WANT you to.  And this may be why they try so hard to STOP you or put you down in your moments of achievement.  Know that they (like all of us) are just doing the best they can in light of their own experiences.  But that doesn’t mean you have to become their victim.  Understanding why they are treating you a certain way and tolerating it are two VERY different things.  Holding yourself back to protect them from themselves or to secure their love and acceptance won’t serve either of you.  Don’t let securing someone else’s love be at the expense of relinquishing your own self love.
 
Believe in YOURSELF.  If and when others share their belief in you, consider that icing on the cake. Remember… your success at your dream could be exactly what those naysayers need to inspire THEM to pursue THEIR own dream.  Some people are afraid to take that chance until they see that it can be done by someone just like them, someone coming from their same upbringing or similar set of circumstances.  As much as you might like to have their support, consider that you might actually be their teacher.  They may NEED you to succeed at your dream, so that they can then have the confidence and encouragement to pursue their own dream.  Don’t underestimate the importance of the adversity of your path. The road of the teacher is not always easy.  You must learn to shield yourself from the venom and not absorb it… and continue onward with your work.  Your impact to humanity might ultimately be far more than the achievement of the dream itself, though clearly the dream will be a worthy feat in and of itself, else it would not have been placed inside your heart.  Perhaps, however, your destiny is also to inspire others via the mere pursuit of your dream.  Pursue what beckons in your heart.  Believe in YOURSELF, and stay the course.
 
Love and blessings,

Raven